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Portraits of Courage
S.B. Photographer Documents the Many
Faces of AIDS
By Courtney Lodato Not many 22-year-old heterosexual women
are granted access to a gay leather bar, meet and fall in love with
a prostitute and I.V. drug user, or spend hours in the infectious
disease ward in an urban hospital. Santa Barbara photographer and
Brooks student Bryan Meltz did just that when she took her camera
to Atlanta, Georgia this past summer to break down social stigmas
and reveal the diversity and destruction of the AIDS epidemic in
a rare collection of documentary photographs and portraits. The
images, which will coincide with text compiled and authored by renowned
AIDS activist and 21-year AIDS survivor Brandon Ross Abernathy,
are scheduled to be published next year in two books, one entitled
The Emerging Survivors: Long Term Survivors of HIV and AIDS and
its companion book, Walking Wounded, a collection of photographs
and accompanying poems by Abernathy. A handful of the striking black
and white photographs from Meltz’s work from The Emerging Survivors
project are on display at Brooks Institute’s Jefferson campus gallery
until December 14. “I was blown away,” Abernathy said over the phone
from his home in Atlanta, Georgia. “The photographs were more incredible
than I thought they would be, and I had very high standards. I was
looking for images that would say something, that could tell a person’s
story . . . I wanted [the viewer] to notice something not necessarily
physical, but whether [the subject was] a person of faith or if
they were childlike. With Heather, I wanted to capture that she
is only a child . . . She’s not just a long-term survivor, she’s
never known any other way of life. Bryan captured that. I got to
take her to the edge. It has been a real privilege working with
Bryan.
She is going to be an exciting force in the field of photography.”
In order to intimately document the diverse faces of AIDS survivors,
Meltz became Abernathy’s shadow in Atlanta for three weeks. As a
prominent AIDS activist and longtime survivor, Abernathy granted
Meltz (who is not HIV positive and therefore an outsider to the
tightly knit AIDS community) the access needed to document the range
of the AIDS epidemic. She lived with him and his partner for the
duration of the project, spending hours with them during the day
in the infectious diseases ward in Atlanta’s Grady Hospital, and
at the support group Absolutely Positive, documenting Abernathy
and others who have been living with HIV/AIDS for eight years or
more, for the Emerging Survivors book. To reveal the universality
of the disease, Meltz’s work includes portrayals of children, men,
and women of various ethnic and sexual orientations. At times, Meltz
found herself hanging out at drag queen and gay leather bars in
order to capture footage for the Walking Wounded project. Her biggest
fear, besides being the only woman (she was 21 at the time) in the
bars, one of which was replete with whips and chains, was that she
would lose the integrity of the project; she wanted to document
what she was seeing without exploitation or false pretense. “I never
wanted to pretend that I knew what everyone was going through, because
I am not HIV positive,” Meltz explained. “It was always clear that
I was a photographer. I wasn’t trying to trick anyone.” But what
she found was a large group of people yearning to be seen and heard,
which she immortalized on film. One of the “walking wounded” documented
by Meltz was Stella, a prostitute and I.V. drug user (who refused
to be tested for HIV) whom Meltz connected with. “Stella has the
most amazing heart . . . She couldn’t believe that I thought she
was special, that what she saw as ugly is exactly what I found so
beautiful in her. Some guy even came up at the bar and said, ‘Why
do you want to take pictures of this [meaning Stella]?’ like she
wasn’t valid. In a way, I fell in love with that woman.” Even though
Meltz was out of her element, she found that there were clear advantages
to being a woman in a gay community, because she was not there to
take something that was being offered. When Meltz began photographing
Stella, she started taking her clothes off, thinking that was expected
of her. “I didn’t want drugs from Stella, I didn’t want sex . .
. I wanted her. I wanted to capture her essence.” Although Meltz’s
documentary photography is raw and honest, her start in the field
began with one little lie. After growing up in Alexandria, Virginia,
she headed off to college in Richmond for a year where she saw an
ad in the paper for a photojournalist who needed someone to shoot
for the local newspaper and perform darkroom work. Meltz, who had
never stepped into a darkroom but had a strong obsession with photography,
said to herself, “I must have that job.” She went to the interview
and said she had “been in the darkroom for years.” She was the first
and last person interviewed for the job. “I think [my boss] knew
I had no experience,” Meltz admitted. “I asked her to go over the
darkroom equipment and said that I was unfamiliar with that brand.
It was ridiculous. I would go to bookstores and buy “How To” darkroom
books, bring them in the room, shut the door, and go ‘Oh, shit,’
looking through them, trying to figure it out.” The woman who she
worked for, Cyane, ended up becoming her mentor, teaching her how
to shoot and print, and is responsible for introducing Meltz to
the work of Mary Ellen Mark, whose gritty and honest documentary
of female psychiatric patients in Ward 81 “blew her away,” and convinced
Meltz that she was destined to become a documentary photographer
herself. Two years later, Meltz saw an ad in the back of American
Photo magazine for Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara.
She had never heard of the school before, decided to apply, and
received an acceptance letter within two weeks. A year later in
Santa Barbara, Meltz received a call from Brandon Abernathy, whom
she had met years before through her stepmother, Sherry, (founder
of an AIDS service organization in Atlanta, Georgia called “Absolutely
Positive: A Safe Place for those Infected with and Affected by HIV
and AIDS,” or “API”). Abernathy said he had seen her photography
on the walls of API and wanted her to take the pictures for two
books he was currently working on: one on long-term AIDS survivors,
and the other on people affected by the disease in general. Abernathy,
who was diagnosed with AIDS-related complications in 1987, but believes
he contracted the disease in 1979, is a 21-year survivor; he is
among the one percent of those diagnosed with AIDS who have lived
that long. Meltz soon found herself on a plane to Georgia. “It was
so important to me that I did not exploit these subjects and take
advantage of them because they were sick,” said Meltz, who spent
hours getting to know each infected individual, memorizing each
story of struggle and survival. “People ask me how I separated myself
from it, and I didn’t separate. I tried to get in as close as I
could. I never wanted to feel like I was taking something from them
and leaving. I only took what they were giving me.” She met young
girls like Heather (age 13), who were infected with the disease
at birth, and men like Danny, a 20-year survivor with whom she became
close. But closeness with a terminally ill person does not come
without an emotional price. “It was hard to see Danny when he took
all of his clothes off because he was so skinny and he looks sick.
It didn’t scare me as much as I hated it for him, like ‘God damnit,
this isn’t fair.’ I had this ‘this isn’t fair’ thing going on in
my head a lot, and Brandon finally told me, ‘This [unfairness] is
what we’re dealing with.’” Because authenticity, not quality, was
what Meltz was aiming for, she used all natural light and only carried
a 35mm camera and a light meter with her. She admits her prints
might not be the best—some are grainy and some are out of focus—but
in spite of this, and perhaps even because of these flaws, “They
are real.” She explained, “The last thing I wanted was to be in
the moment and worrying about the mechanics of my film and camera.”
The result is a compilation of images that are not forced or contrived,
but painfully authentic portraits of courage. One of these brave
faces is Heather, whose parents are both dead from the disease and
who tries nonetheless to live life like a normal teenager. Meltz
thinks that many of Heather’s friends do not even know that she
is infected. “If people cannot look at that and be affected by it
. . .,” she trails off for a moment, “especially in a college town
like Santa Barbara where a lot of young people think it’s not a
problem anymore . . . that HIV is on the backburner. For me, it’s
really frustrating.” Meltz’s work is not finished. She hopes to
get involved with AIDS support groups in the Santa Barbara area,
and in a couple of weeks, she is heading back to Atlanta to continue
her documentation for Abernathy’s books, and maybe check in with
Stella. As her introduction to the exhibit reminds us, the exhibit
not only puts a face on a devastating disease, but is a pictorial
“testament to the courage of all those struggling to live their
lives without fear.”
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Postcards from the Electronic Edge
What’s New on the ‘Net
by Assia Mortensen Did you know? A standard “narrowband”
Internet connection, or one that uses ordinary telephone lines
to transmit information, is able to process about 50,000 bits
per second (a bit is the smallest possible measurement of digital
information—eight bits equal one bite, or a keystroke). The Independent’s
Internet access was upgraded not long ago with a 50 times faster
broadband “DSL” connection that made the narrowband seem like
a horse-and-buggy. “Bandwidth is like lanes on a highway, the
more lanes you have, the faster traffic can move at one time,”
said Eric Adler of Computer Hero, a Santa Barbara-based computer
consulting company. Before DSL (which stands for Digital Subscriber
Line) made it to our desks, we became impatient with trying to
find information on the ’Net. It took a long time for Web pages
to download, and we were disconnected or our screens froze often.
Now with DSL, finding sites is much faster, and therefore easier,
and we can access live radio from around the world (try www.web-radio.com),
and view live or taped Webcasts, albeit blurry and choppy. Everything
on the Internet has become faster, more interesting, and more
interactive. More expensive too: depending on the type of DSL
you want, it can run $40-$70 a month for a household service.
“Not only is it faster, it’s more stable” added Adler. “It doesn’t
summarily kick you off a site.” So that’s what all the fuss is
about. ACROSS THE POND: But among Web site creators, the fuss
is hardly about broadband connections anymore. What the techies
are buzzing about now is fiber-optic cable: Underground cable
that can transmit ten billion bits of information per second.
According to an article called “The Speed of Light” in The New
Yorker (Nov. 27, 2000), fiber optics are “a technological breakthrough
comparable in importance to the telegraph, the railroad and the
internal-combustion engine.” The writer, David Denby, went on
to explain that this new Internet, or “evernet,” will run literally
at the speed of light and make the Internet of 1994-2000 seem
like “a string running between two tin cans.” To get there, we
literally have to lay the groundwork. And physically laying all
this fiber-optic cable deep within the ground will be expensive
and time-consuming. But this vast undertaking to become “wireless”
is underway in our cities and towns, even across the Atlantic
Ocean, linking the U.S. and Europe. The public and the tech industry
itself are clamoring for the Internet to become faster still,
and fiber optics will soon allow the ’Net to become so fast that
one will literally be able to send a volume of encyclopedias or
a feature film across the globe in seconds. IN THE STREAM OF THINGS:
“We are all about the future of streaming media and allowing smaller
companies to compete on a larger level,” said Web site designer
and author Carter Benson of Guerrilla Broadcasting Inc. (guerrillabraodcasting.com),
a company that he and his buddy Hunter Hillegas started because
they wanted to operate their own radio station. Hillegas and Benson
are just two of the many Santa Barbara Web site creators riding
the latest ’Net wave. “The only way you can go against the big
companies is to carve out a niche with people in your scene,”
said Benson. After less than a year on the ’Net, the streaming
media radio station that they created, Phat Wreck Chords (fatwreck.com)—the
Web offshoot of the independent, San Francisco-based punk record
label—is the largest online punk station in the world. Their next
station, which they are starting in conjunction with Dave Hanacek
of “traditional” radio station KJEE, will be called newnoize.com
and will feature all genres of music. They’ve also landed Web
design contracts for bands like Barenaked Ladies, Orgy, and Yaz
through a large contract with Warner Bros. What makes Hillegas
and Benson different from other designers is that they use “open
source technology.” This allows customers to change a Web site
themselves as new technological advances come along, or if they
just want to alter the look of the site. Traditionally, software
programs are distributed without the source code—the code the
programmer enters that allows a user to change the program. Hillegas
said the advantage of using open source programming is that “the
user can modify the program any time they see fit. We use PHP
as an alternative to Microsoft as a Web language,” he said. “It’s
not only free, but because designers can change and improve it
all of the time, it evolves quickly.” “Microsoft software is like
driving a car with the hood welded shut,” added Benson. CASTING
CALL: Web designer and Webcasting
guru Stu Shulman, aka the “Cowboy Surfer,” is the human version
of the “energizer bunny”—you wind him up and he goes. More than
anything else, he loves talking about the Web. Shulman runs TIMS
(Totally Independent Music Services), which helps musicians with
trademark, copyrighting, and other business issues. Shulman also
snagged the coveted Lobero Theatre Webmaster position, and currently
maintains the site for the 75-year-old Santa Barbara theater.
In 1999, he attended the New York Music and Internet Expo, and
met employees of a new company called Ampcast, which does live,
wireless Webcasting of concerts and other events. He later became
their West Coast affiliate. Shulman is on a mission to show the
public what Webcasting can do. “I’m an Aquarius, a visionary,”
said Shulman. “Webcasting will become the new standard . . . it’s
going to make DSL seem slow.” Explaining the difference between
wireless and traditional Webcasting, Shulman said that the latter
streams video, either live or simulcast, and uses a digital video
camera hooked up to a computer line. It often looks static, choppy,
and blurry. If you’ve seen the “Jennycam”—an outrageously popular
Web site created by a college student named Jenny who decided
to put stationary video cameras in her apartment to capture all
of the personal yet mundane details of her life—then you get the
idea. But with wireless Webcasting, like Ampcast, there is no
cable between the camera and Internet. This allows Webcasting
to capture remote and roving shots similar to television or film.
FILL YOUR TELEVISION: You may have heard rumblings about your
television and computer merging. According to Robert Bailey, chief
technologist at Impossible Inc. (www.impossible.com), a brand
solutions agency, this is not far off. Impossible, which has had
1,100 percent growth since its inception last January, is anticipating
the changes that “Mpeg 4” technology will bring. “Streaming up
’til now has been a very mediocre experience,” Bailey said. “Imagine
sucking a milkshake through a cocktail straw.” Mpeg 4 is an advanced
data compression system that will enable relatively high quality
video to stream through medium bandwidth. Mpeg 4 and fiber optics
are two of the tools that will make the computer merge with the
television more quickly. In the future, it is predicted that there
will be as many television stations and radio stations as there
are Web pages—and this is presently a staggering 2.1 billion.
Bailey anticipates that we will be able to watch a film and make
decisions for the main character that will alter the ending. We
will be able to play along with game shows and increasingly make
live comments to news stories. As we go wireless, people will
not only interact with their televisions as they do with computers,
but they will access the ’Net through wireless Webphones and Palm
Pilots at the speed of light. And those are just the tip of the
iceberg.
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